Couldn't help myself. went to watch the EHB ep 12...ahhhh.............. so sweet hahahhahaha my favourite part. HYUKMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They kissed... (i counted the repeats as well. I only counted the one on the screen so when the camera was focus on the other SUJU members, I didn't count. So there are actually more kisses than what I counted, oh, the correct term is passing oxygen through mouth. But who cares... its kisses...) 28 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAHAHAHHA

.Rm.Ch.Ls.Fb.Rh.

HEY!!!!!!!! My dad just gave me his pay slip thingy. Meaning his full approval for me to go England!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway. I feel really bad because none of my sisters have gone to a European country before. BUT I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it's not confirmed that i'll be going anyway. If i didn't do well for my block test they will most likely turn me down for that? So yeah. AMANDA FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just popping in to say hello on this hot night. Anyway, I am kind of supposed to reserch on the stupid GP thing. haix. sucks la...

I HATE BEING POOR. when i grow up, i'm going to earn so much money that i will have everything mine. i hate being poor. i really hate being poor. anyway. because of this, i can't go to England. What the fuck.

FUCK. I hate my life. i don't know what i am doing now but it sucks big time. i'm probably having my menses soon. my sister eats her maggi mee so damn fucking slow that i have to wait for her to eat then i can wash the dishes. feel like burning the dishes. burn myself up. WHAT THE FUCK.

Curse those who switch on the music so loud in the bus for everyone to hear. DISRUPT MY SONG. YOU FUCKING SHOW-OFF. FUCK OFF THE BUS AND FUCK WITH YOUR MUSIC. SHUT THAT CRAP UP.

Anyway, after that much venting. (still fucking frustrated) I can't wait for the next SUJU EHB. Look at this.

.Rm.Ch.Ls.Fb.Rh.

Damn fuck this signature.

HEYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found the vid where this person was playing Marry U on the piano. I think he figured out the tune himself! so cool...


Oh yeah... and DBSK's purple line rehearsal!!!!!!!!!!! NICE WAVESSSSSS!

OMG. I SAW A GUY WEARING THE TVXQ HERO'S CARTOON SHIRT!!!!!!!!!! Singaporean guys are saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahhahaa... finally some guy actually kind of appreciate their talent. My male classmates don't think they are man enough. WHATEVER. hahahahahahhaa

that guy is saved!!!!!!!!!

to retire is to die. its so weird. so do you sleep and then you die? hahahha i don't know. I forgot who said this but i find it rather funny. Anyway i'm feeling very morbid today.

I look at something i think of ways in which i can use it to kill myself. I don't know. I can't ever concentrate. and never will, probably. i should just die. maybe it will save everything. i seriously don't know what i am talking about. I feel...whatever. it's not important how i feel since nobody cares anyway. i hate life and Eileen is probably right, life is the process of dying.

Life is so not what i want it to be. i don't know what I am doing now.

why am i studying things that i am not interested in? why am i here in the first place? why? stupid right? i make them always. so my whole life is spent on wrong choices. maybe my death would be the right choice wouldn't it? death now comes so easily. probably i'll be a serial killer in the future. who knows. whatever la.

life is full of whatevers. things that we choose to ignore. whatever. whatever. whatever. my life is a whatever. i think i should have died in my mother's womb in the first place. i can't believe i am still here. i need to get out of this f-ing place. i need to breathe.

goodbye to whatever. embracing death.

Hahaha... I changed my skin again. Not very nice though. But I like the background. so yeah...heex...gotta go do some work... sianx.

hahaha... i'm so damn bored in school now. don't feel like doing any homework. But i'll try later. Well. I was just appointed math rep. -_-. Yeah. out of all things. I didn't want to but I said yes anyway. so. haix... stupid me... i regret now. Haix. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Man. It feels quite empty without Asnira filling me in with new stuff. She's an OGL. haix. It also feels weird without Ah si in my class. Haix. HAIX.............................................

haix. haix. haix.haix.haix.haix.

Can't watch vids now. No storybook with me. haix. I'm left with homework... gosh damn boring. I think i'll just go look up some chem stuff in case. too many breaks not very good. but tuesday is the worst of all... haix. my timetable sucks.

Yesterday, I went to the Soompi forums and I saw some shots of SUJU EHB Ep 8. Really touching when I watched it. I even cried when I didn't understand anything they were saying. heex. The other vid is the special performance SUJU did. REAL NICE.

Enjoy their love. HAhaha... pooor kyuhyun. looked so sad. HAHAHHAA

.Rm.Ch.Ls.Fb.Rh.

Oh . i forgot. For Sungmin's birthday, I drew this in dedication to him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0101 rocks. for this reason only.

.Rm.Ch.Ls.Fb.Rh.

today's the new year and is SUNGMIN's BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! happy birthday! I hope I didn't get the date wrong. Anyway. I am soooo not excited.

I'm so not prepared. I didn't do any of my homework. Lost my GP homework. Haven't studied for my Chemistry test. I might as well give up now. I hate studying. I simply hate JC, to be honest. I hate my life. I can't cope anymore. I don't have a goal. It's not as if I had a wonderful voice or I've learnt to play a music instrument. It's not like I'm good in Chemistry. i'm going to fail...........................

I cried just now thinking about this. It's Sungmin's birthday and yet I feel sad. I think when I see successful people, I get depressed because I still haven't found what I wanted to do. What do I want to do? I hate this. I feel like crying again. I can't get anything right. WHY?

I'm so tired of trying to find what my true calling is, and there is no more time to find it. What should I do? What should I do??? I hate my life.