Gosh...it's going to be school reopen tomorrow... hmmm...my homework are all half done. But I am so tired I couldn't do a bit.

I just came back from my tuition so I am tired now. Boy, I kept yawning in the tuition, I think Mr Kwok must think I watched soccer last night or something.

I did stayed up till 3+am last night. I just couldn't sleep. I kept thinking and thinking, I don't know thinking about what but just kept imagining things (not disgusting things, that's for sure.), from 1:50am to 2:44am. Then I had a stomachache and I went to shit. hahaha... And then I came back, I kept tossing and turning around, trying to find a comfortable way to sleep but I just couldn't. I think I didn't fall asleep till 3.30am...That's why I am so tired today.

Have I mentioned that my dad bought the new Canon Ixus 800...? It's damn cool...Hahahahaha. But my dad's been spending a lot lately. Like the camera, my sister's laptop (damn cool too... though it's a rather old model. But compared to me, I have no laptop so I cannot say anything.), the money spent in the chalet. Whoa...It's like burning a hole in his wallet. He could even joke with me that his money was flowing like water now. HAhahaha...But to come to think of it, it's not funny. It's serious. Such spending, even I would feel heartache to see the money fly away like that...

Well...I feel a bit guilty actually. You see, I told myself and promised my Mom that I would really work hard for a single digit. But I haven't really studied lately, I just do homework and no revision.

Look at Geography for instance, I haven't flipped the book for ages. I think it's been about a month of lessons missed as my teacher has gone for reservice that time and then there were no relief teachers, and there is a load of stuff still left to teach. Look at biology too...We left too many chapters compared to Chemistry. I have to revise on all my subjects and and school is starting like what, tomorrow? So I have wasted my holiday on TV and other leisures without thinking that my target would be even further if I don't work hard.

Now that is my studying problem. I tends to get distracted easily that I would not be able to study.

Well, now my target is to study non-stop till 11pm everyday and then only fridays are off (CD Day). So I hope I can work harder and get to my target and let my parents be proud for once.

What's worse to come is that when school reopens, it would mean the O' level Mother Tongue Oral Examination would be starting. Gosh, I'm not anything good with reading and conversationing. Haix...

Come what may, huh? I would pull through all of it and reach my target! hahhaha!!!

Wish me luck.

I'm here to talk about what I feel about my life nowadays.

I feel that i am going through a process of maturity. But how could I be sure? Now I see things very differently from the past (that's what I realised).

Like when people insulted me on the taggie, whoever it was, I would used to get angry when I saw it. But now when the person who insulted me, I felt a bit of anger but I didn't go into an outrage. The burning anger has seemed to cease controlling what I want to think of the person and how I want to handle the situation.

I think because I read certain books then it made me think about life even more than I used to. Like in the past, all I cared was myself (that's what I feel). But now, I feel that caring for people around me is important too. the selfish thinking is gone now. But I have to admit. I'm not those counselling people, I'm a listener.

Books like Tuesdays with Morrie. It's one good book. It's touching and has a lot of life meanings in the book. Things that involves age, marriage, family and etc. all is in the book. And if one lives according to that book, he or she must be a saint. But from the book I can only remember this point clearly- you learn to love when you are dying.

It's true. When I read that sentence, Bang! that went through my mind and pierced my heart of stone. It made me think more of how to love people, understand and be able to accept.

From my heart, I admit, I used to have a lot of anger and I vent it on people around me. I even had this self-inflict thing that is always because of my anger. I would punch myself, pinch myself, pull my hair, punch the walls till my knuckles ached. And then I would cry. When I did that, I told myself, I am venting out my anger by self-inflicting, and it's better than hitting or scolding others.

But now. When I think about it, how wrong I am. Yes, I am not hurting others physically. I am hurting not only myself but also other's emotions too. When I get angry and I hurt myself, won't my parents feel sad and disappointed in me? Getting physical pain on myself is not worth it.

The best way to vent my anger now is to write. I have a diary at home which I write it in Chinese. HAHA...It's fun though. Funny thing, hey, that I keep a blog and a diary? Well, my diary is personal. But my blog, well, it is to voice to others of what I feel.

ANYWAY...back to the point, I feel that my life is getting a whole new twist of ideas, and thinkings. I'm starting to appreciate a little more of what I have now. Especially my parents. Tha'ts why I started to go out with my friends lesser and with my parents more. I mean whenever I look at my father, it is always fatigue in his face and eyes. He is sick but he still works very hard to provide for all of us. My heart aches when I see his face like this. I hope he gets better.

Gosh. It's 3 am...I'd better get some sleep. Tomorrow is CD day!!!

Well, I'm typing this post, AGAIN. I stupidly erased the whole thing just now.

Okay, I'm back from my chalet trip. It was a family trip and it was rather okay. Not very thrilling but okay.

Well, the first day, we didn't do much, we went swimming, eating, playing arcade, and of course, watching television!

The second day, we went Escape which was supposed to be exciting became, "exciting". Why? It was because the Inverter was like always permanently shut down for maintainence . Everytime I go to Escape, the Inverter is always under maintainence. haix...Well, they had a replacement for the Panasonic, Haunted House, which I thought it was the most fun thing I have tried in this Escape trip. Actually, Panasonic closed down because of the accident that happened I think last year or this year. Two girls fell off the Panasonic ride and was in coma.
I got a feeling is that the girls didn't actually hold on tight on the bar. The Panasonic ride was very dark and fast and you cannot see what would be coming, so holding on to the given safety bar was important. But I still feel sorry for the two girls for having to be injured when they were supposed to be having fun. It could be the machine was spoilt halfway or something.

Well. I regretted going to Escape as there were too little rides. We should have gone to Wild Wild Wet, which my sister said, was very fun.

After Escape, we went for dinner at this Chinese restaurant that had excellent finger-licking good food, but the price was even prettier. It was 190 bucks. it really burnt a whole in my Dad's wallet...hahaha.

Let me tell you the last two nights was very good because the shows shown on television. The first night was Guess Guess Guess hosted by Jacky Wu, Ah Ya, and Rainie. I laughed till my tummy ached. They were just so vibrant and full of humour!! How I wish I had something like that in Singapore. But Singapore's variety shows are getting weirder and weirder. It has become a bit boring sometimes.

The last night we watched this Japanese show. It was freaky but interesting. I think I'll have another post just on that story line. It was really creepy and had me and my sister hiding under over blankets.

Oh but that's not all...When I slept, I dreamt of my idol. Hahaha...I'm not going to say what it is about because the dream is so not realistic. And the contents of this dream is only for myself to treasure. HAHAHA...

Who's my idol? I guess most people should know. Oh well. I think he's cute but my sister thinks otherwise. Oh well, I can't control what she thinks, right? Let me reveal my idol.

.Rm.Ch.Ls.Fb.Rh.

It's been long since I have blogged. well...now is the holidays. but studying...I've done the least. My mom nags NON-STOP. hahaha... anyway...I shall change my blogskin now...hehehe...